Homeward bound

Hey All,

Well I'm off home tomorrow to sort out some more of mum's things. Can't say I'm looking forward to that bit as it means that I have to face up to the fact that it is real and she is not here anymore and I can't speak to her, or see her. And I'm desperate to tell her loads and loads of stuff and I hate the fact that I can't.

However what I am looking forward to is my gentleman is coming with me, Yay!!! So excited about that. Gonna be so good. So excited. Can't believe he's coming with me. He's so amazing. God has been so so so so good to me.

God is awesome and amazing and wonderful. And even though I feel (once again) that my whole life is up in the air, I know without a shadow of a doubt that God is Sovereign. And more to the point He is in control.

I know that I have spent my whole life not being what my name says, settled and I know that part of me is just hanging around waiting for me to finally settle. And it fustrates me cause it's not like I plan on being restless and moving around all the time and being unsettled it's just the way life has happened and happens for me.

I pray so much that soon I will be settled cause I need to be before my head starts to spin out. I'm sick of not having anything (apart from Jesus, obviously) permanent in my life, nothing solid. I need something, cause I hate being a wanderer and a nomad.

Anyway enough of that now. Got to crack on and sort some more stuff out before tomoz.

God Bless and Love you lots,

The Vickster
xxx

...........

This will be an interesting blog.......not! I don't really have anything to tell you! Well strictly that's not true but there is nothing that I can tell you.

I have noticed that my trouser's don't fit any more and in the past few days have noticed that I can't eat as much as I used to.....portion control is finally in control!

Cross trainer must be doing some good then?...........wouldn't have any thing to do with the fact that for 3 out of the past 4 weeks I have lost my appetite!

Church today is in the Anglican Cathedral, which I am so looking forward to, man I love my church so much, don't even get me started on how much I love Liverpool!!!!

Today could potentially be a landmark day, and if it is then in march 2011 I will be able to tell you. Until then guys you're just going to have to wait! Don't I just do your head in when I say cryptic things like that???

It's been a month since I went home and I am starting to miss it now, which is slightly unusual, but it maybe that I haven't spoken to anyone from back home, apart from my Dad, for ages.

Wel off out with wonderful Aunt and Uncle for Sunday Lunch!

Speak soon,

The Vickster
xxx

Sooo Good!

Hey!

Just got back in contact with a dear old friend, and I am soo happy I had to cry. I have waited such a long time for us to be friends again and I am so so relieved about it.

What a fab day! Work was good, my gentleman is wonderful, and now I have an old friend back!

The Lord is so so so so so good. Even when it hurts, He's still good. How amazingly awesome is that??

Things that I thought possibly could never happen after other things messing them up still do but even much better than I could have imagined.

That would be the verse that follows me around then....

Ephesian 3:20- 'And God can do immeasurably more than we can ask or imagine'

Yeah He can!!!

God is good all the time, All the time, God is good!

Interesting!

Hey there,

So work is boring me to tears and I don't know what to do about it. Dad is fine. Don't know how sisters are as can't get hold of them, and me?........ well I'm interesting......

......Can I really write this on my blog??? No I don't think so. Lets just say that I have met a gentleman and its good but some what complicated, is the best way of putting it.

My head is in a spin about it, but no doubt it will settle over time and the thing that scares me the most is other people's reactions. So for now its all a bit secretive for the time being but I've got my whole life ahead of me so I'm in no rush about things...does that sound strange? Probably. I have no idea what I'm going on about...ha ha!

Anyway going on the cross trainer now,

Write again soon,

The Vickster
xxx

Tumbling after.

Not that much to tell you really.

Went home a few weekends ago. Was good but needed a bit more time there as didn't get to see as many people as I wanted to. But did feel good to be home. Church there was good as well, really felt God's presence around me.

Been working hard here still though it has been very very quiet probably due to the credit crunch or something.

St James in the City is all good too! I love it to bits and look forward to it every week. This month I am in the newsletter being interviewed.

As I look out the window at the moment the sun is shining on Liverpool (i'm at work early) and it looks golden and gorgeous. I so NEVER want to leave this city!

Quite often I feel like I'm tumbling after The Lord. Do you know what I mean? Like you try and follow Him but you trip and start tumbling but your still heading in the right direction? And often you'll slip on a simple truth like: 'Theres nothing that's more beautiful than what I've found in Him'

He is so awesome and I can't believe what He appears to be up to. Really hope it is Him and not the enemy, I should be able to tell, shouldn't I? Oh well no doubt time will unravel it!

Here's something interesting to tell you- for the past 2 weeks I have dreamt about being at school every single night! What is that about?? Most strange and need it interpreting, but will not be able to as I can't go into whats going on with me at the moment. It is most ridiculous and far too outrageous to let anyone know whats happening. But incase people are slightly concerned it is nothing to worry about and in time I will reveal all.

Anyway must go to work now. Write again soon,

God Bless

xxx

Ahhhh....

Hey!


Thank you all so much for your words of encouragment and support, regarding my last post. I have now bought a book and a DVD on the police selection process, have got an email from a careers advisor and have been on the cross trainer about six times at an average of 35 mins each time since my last post!!! I'm on my way, albeit slowly!

Went to a wedding yesterday and it was gorgeous. So beautiful, picked up some more tips for mine :) Yes I know I need a man first, calm down.

Can I just say how much I love the church that I have found, the people in it are awesome. I love them all already and I don't even know them...ha ha! Typical Vickster!

Have missed my mum this week terribly and one night on the way home from work sobbed so much I had to pull over on the side of the road! I am missing home alot cause of things that are happening there, and part of me wants to go home and another part really doesn't.

I'm still amazed that I love Liverpool as much as I did when I moved here. I was saying to someone today actually, that even when I'm in the very centre of Liverpool, I STILL feel like I want to be there, almost like its not enough to be standing right there. Like theres something more that I need to do or be or have from it! I don't know whether that makes sense, but its the only way I can describe it!!!

Very tired now and have work tomoz which I am looking forward to about as much as I would be if I had to jump out of a plane without a parachute!

Just a a few lines from the band Starfield that I can't get out of my head cause they are so true:

"The reach of Your fame, The power in Your name. Your glory surrounds me, It's over my head, it's over my head. The shame of the cross, for all that it cost. This friendship astounds me, It's over my head, it's over my head"

Love to you all, God Bless,

The Vickster

xxxx

Decsions, decsions, decsions

Hey All!


I know that I haven't been keeping up to date with my blog recently and partly that is because I'm not really sure how many people read it. So as a test I am going to announce something on here that only one or two people know and see how many people who I haven't told by mouth comment about it to me....thing is its rather a long story so if you still want to know, sit back cause there's reading to be done!!

From when I first started going to Church and meeting Christians people have always told me "God is going to do something massive with you."/ "He is going to use you in the Church in mighty ways." Or things to that effect and because of this I have tended to think of God one day picking me out and landing me in an amazing job that I will love and will be awesome (stereotypically I have though of this as being in the church) And because of that I have somewhat shunned what I have desired for my life (although not all to do with God mostly to do with lack of self confidence!) and sat back and trusted God to come through for me.

Yes I went to Bible School and that remains to be one of the best things that I have ever done, and I'm so glad I did it, but at the end I honestly thought my time had come and what ever God had in store for me career wise was right at the end of Capernwray. And as happened I landed back down to earth with an astonishing bump! No worries I though God must just be making me wait!

And as it would happen I got a job at Coventry Cathedral and thought for sure that this was going to lead to whatever God had got planned for me that was so wonderful, so when that came to a halt I was again left disillusioned and deeply hurt by it all. As those unlucky enough to a) be around at the time will know and b) Have listened to my album!!

So to end up at John Lewis has left me scratching my head for sometime now. Obviously since joining good ole JLP my life has had some things happen that has meant that I have had plenty to deal with without thinking "What on earth am I doing here?"

So when I took the decision to follow what my heart (and what I thought God vaguely was saying to me) and move to Liverpool I suddenly found that I could have confidence in the decisions that I make, as moving here has been so wonderful and such a blessing, its fabulous!

Living with my Aunt and Uncle who both were incredible successful business people and having both worked in retail have been urging me to press on and achieve something while I am there and work my way up just like they did. However as people may know I am just sooo not in to retail, business, success in business, promotion any of it. Which I already knew but it has made me see this even more.

So having decided what I don't want to be doing that left me with what I do! I have always when people have asked me what it is that I want to do said "I don't know really." And this answer has been based largely upon the fact that I have believed that God had got something wonderful planned around the corner just to my liking so I don't really need to know!

But since the age of....oh don't know.......7? 8? I have always wanted to be something. But because of all the crap thats gone on I've never had the confidence to believe that I could do it.

The past week and a half after thinking that Liverpool was such a good move, should I trust my instincts again? And boy have I struggled with it. At the start of last week I honestly felt like I was giving up on what God had for me (even though I have never know what that has been, its just been some vague idea that he's going to use me in someway) I felt like a traitor to Him but I have realised that is nonsense. How can I follow some dream that isn't really any dream at all? I'm just hanging around waiting for God to do something with my life, surely that is worse than following a desire to do something that you have always wanted and trusting God to shut the doors if its not right??

So my decsion has been made............

I want to become a Police Officer.

That has been my secret desire for so long that recently ever time I have seen a police officer or car/station I have felt a pang of guilt for not following it up.

For watching The Bill when I was younger to now reading my crime novels in my room it has never really gone away, I have just shoved it aside and tried to keep it quiet always thinking, "I'm not good enough for it." "It's too much hard work"

And you know what I'm right in some ways, I am not good enough and it is too much hard work. But if I want it bad enough and if God will give me the grace and favour I so badly need from Him to pass the test I will get there one way or another.

And do you know what weird? Since I have made this decsion I have had waves of relief wash over me so many times. I have cried a lot too but looking back on it its been tears of relief. Just as I cried on my last night in Kenilworth it was relief for finally doing something that I wanted to do.

I am well aware that this is going to be the hardest thing I will ever do just getting into the police force. I have to do an hour exercise a day for a year before I can ever think of applying!

I have to learn maths all over again, and I HATE maths and I can't do it to save my life, the amount of jobs I haven't gone for just because there is a maths test involved in the interview is unreal. But I am prepared to go right back to the start and TRY and learn all over again, which for me is a miracle cause I think I may even have a phobia of maths!!

There is so much more that I have to do that I am not even aware of yet and I'm not really phased by it, as this is what I have wanted all along.

So there you have it! It is going to take more discipline, blood, sweat, tears, and determination than I will ever be able to imagine.

And you know what I am going to need your support and prayers more than ever! And thats saying something!

Love to you all x

Gorgeous.

Well!!! Saturday was the Store Opening party down at the Echo Arena, which was absolutley brilliant....put it this way, Scousers know how to party! Stayed over at one of my friends in the city which was well cool.

Then this morning I got a lift over to work at 8:30am and got dropped off just by the Liver Building and the sun was shining and beautifully warm and it was just GORGEOUS! Had to pinch myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming!

Have missed my friends from back home last week, but guess that is only natural.

Obviously I still love it here and the thing that takes my breath away is the fact that if I want I can live here for the rest of my life....COME ON!! Its incredible, I'm kind of looking forward to the rest of my life for the first time ever, just knowing that it will be here!

(I know, I'm starting to sound like a looney now about it, but I can't help it!)

Love you loads and loads

xxx

I love it.

Oh my goodness! I really cannot believe how much I love this city!! Its crazy.

Have been to see the Gormely men today on Crosby beach, and obviously the new John Lewis Store opened last week so that has kept me busy.

Went to a thanksgiving service for one of my friends at the weekend too which was sad but an amazing service, just gutted about it all really.

Going to try another church on sunday and I'm quite excited about that.

Just about to go down stairs and play pool with uncle Brian and then Table tennis with Aunty Liz.

I love it!

The Liverpool Life.

So then one and all! My liverpool life is so far going very very well. I am settling into work nicely and have met lots of nice people.

My collegues are great. The house I am staying with at my Aunt and Uncles is lovely and their dog is awesome.

I have visited the Cathedral (anglican) and on Sunday I went to a church in the evening called 'Frontline' that was good, but think I need to try a fwe more before I make a decsion. I have heard about a new one that is starting up so I might try and find out more about that one.

Really I'm just working hard, coming home and then sorting things out and going to bed. I haven't had much chance to do any exploring of the city.

Tomorrow I have a day off so I am going to meet someone I met at the Cathedral and then I'm going to go to the History of Liverpool museum down at the Albert dock, which I am really excited about!

However I am going home at the weekend to say goodbye to some dear friends of mine so out of the 4 weeks I will have been here I've been home for two of the weekends! Still never mind.

I can't believe how much the city and the move has lived up to my expectations. There has been no dissappointment at all.

All in all, life is good, but above all God is good all the time, all the time, God is good ;)

First Week

So my first week is over and it has been an amazing week. I have smiled mostly through out it to myself as I can't believe that I have done it! And it feels so so right.

My Auntie and Uncle are legends and have been amazing. Work has been good as well and everyone has been very friendly but I am struggling with the new numbers I have to learn.

Hopefully on Sunday I will visit the Cathedral, which I am looking forward to cause I am really needing some Christian fellowship.

Just need to sort myself out now in terms of address moves and things like that but hopefully should get it all sorted in the next two weeks so that I can enjoy myself!

Life at the moment is good.

Hello from Liverpool!

Hello one and all!

So I have finalled moved to the Pool of Life and I am settling in well. Obviously it's only my 4th day so I can't really say to much, but I will write more when I have time as I quite busy as you can imagine.

I'm loving Liverpool and it is everything I expected it to be

Bye for now

x

Here I go!

Oh my goodness!!!! I can't believe I am actually going!

So heres the deal to bring you up to date.....

I am transfering with John Lewis so will do the same job I am doing now but there!

I will be living with my Aunt and Uncle in Birkenhead, in Perton (very nice, and so kind of them)

I will find a church pronto.

And the leaving do's start tonight!!!

So many many things to do before I go!!! Have said goodbye to my dogs, which was hard. Need to start packing and arranging what goes with me when I go this thursday and what goes next week!

I am really excited and I can't wait although I am becoming increasingly aware that I am going to miss people like crazy!

Anyway, got to fly, will wrtie more when I can squeeze a minute

xxx

News!!!! I'm leaving!

Sorry if you are reading this for the first time and I haven't told you face to face or over the phone or email but it has only just been confirmed!!!

I'm moving to Liverpool on the 4th or 5th of April!!!!!

I'll tell you more on my next blog

Love you

xxx

Oh my goodness!

Hey everyone! Sorry I haven't written anything for ages but I have been to Southampton and had an AMAZING time! God is sooo good. And I know this will sound crazy but I don't particularly care, I had a vision of Jesus and it was so awesome and I feel so different because of it.

Also I should being hearing from John Lewis Liverpool this week to see if I've got a transfer there!! Lets hope and Pray I have!!!

Its all good, good, good.

Confused

Went to the Ikea in Coventry today and it was well odd. The man cleaning the toilets was a wierdo and very agressive, then there was a sign that said checkouts this way and it pointed to a wall!!! Not impressed. food was good tho!

Enjoying my last few days of holiday before it's back to the daily grind.

Need to chase Liverpool when I get back, desperado!

Keep on trucking x

Lovely

Well had a lovely day to day working with the Forty Three trust ansd helping them an their stand at the Christian Resources exhibition. Really good to get to know one of my friends who works for them.

Interview went well. Still love Liverpool though and really want to live/work there.

Pudding thursday tonight - Key Lime Pie!! Woohoo. Just chilled out this morning. Last night watched License to Wed with Robin Williams which was brilliant and Run Fat Boy Run which was just hilarious. Still got to watch Evan Almighty so might do that in the morning.

Just gonna spend the weekend chillin out before going back to work.

God bless x

Incredible

Blusk UK were incredible. I mean seriously they were so good and I was so proud of my friend. I even cried a little. So pleased.

Interview tomorrow, sooooooo nervous. But also I have so much to think through before I go and I can't bring myself to make any decsions. Really doing my head in.

It's my week off this week which is good and I'm glad cause it means I get to sleep till whatever time I like. And I was in desperate need of that happening.

Need to start getting ready for this conference in Southampton as well. It has been agreed that I am driving, but we still need to sort out the fine details.

So I'm going home to have a little potter about, do some washing...oh and I MUST sort out where home group is tonight cause there is much confusion!

Sunshine

Yay! The sun is shining! I love sunshine after winter! So good. About to go for a driving lesson in a minute to help get my confidence back after the crash I had before new year, quite nervous. Got an interview on Tuesday so I'm nervous about that as well. But it's my week off now from work. so going to make the most of it.

Also good news - just checked my bank account and all the money that was stolen as been returned!! Yay! God is good, good, good.

And just heard from a friend in the Us and they just told me THE most romantic story I've heard this year. Beautiful. I would cry but I'm in the Library so it's not really appropriate!

Anyway enjoy the sunshine folks!

Laugh

Not much to say today. Work is ok, and we are having quite a good giggle cause everyone is in a good mood! Got a bit scared yesterday in the house cause I thought someone was down stairs when i went to bed. But it turned out to be nothing!

Need to phone my Dad tonight to check he's ok and I'm going out after work to say good bye to someone whose retired.

And Blush UK are coming to church on Sunday.....soooo excited!

Anyway got to go...

Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day today! And seeing as I don't have a "Valentine" as such (much to my dismay, I hasten to add!) I sat this morning and read about how much God loves me.

Found Zephaniah 3:17 and though about 'He will quiet you with His love' And you know what...He does! sometimes when I'm worshipping (as in singing worshipping) I suddenly feel like I should just be still and not sing for awhile. And I love those times cause I feel like I'm worshipping just by being me in His presence. And don't get me wrong I love singing I think it is such a good way to express how I feel and what I mean and I normally have amazing times with Jesus when I'm singing. But the quiet times in worship are so refreshing as well.

So no doubt when I get home the post mat will be empty (get the violins out!) but I'm ok cause I have the greatest love that anyone could wish for when and where I want it.

Whats that I hear in my inner being....God is good all the time, all the time, God is good. (if when you feel like he isn't!)

Happy St. Valentines day everyone, may you experience a little, no a lot of God's amazing love for you xxx

His Love Endures Forever

Beautiful morning, this morning! Got up earlier to plan what I'm going to cook tonight and to finish off my application form which is proving harder than I thought it would. Just taken a walk out and it is so gorgeous. I love it when it's cold and sunny cause it always reminds me of the day I became a Christian. And when the sun does break through the coldness it always reminds me of the first time I felt that God loves me.

Just having a little bit of a break from everything to write this and then back to planning and finishing off my application form.

Seen quite a few people I haven't seen for ages this week and it has been really good, and also I heard from some friends over broad which was good but made me realise how much I miss them.

On the whole I feel good and excited and happy and lovely....I love days like this. Thank you Lord, you rock forever x

Sugar and sweetness

Well this lent business about having no sugar in tea and coffee is really interesting cause I have found that I can drink tea if it's very milky but not I cannot drink coffee without sugar at all!
I mean it's just minging. How people do it I will never know. It's soo bitter. And I am not a bitter girl. I love my sweetness. (Taste that is not me!) So I will not be drinking any more coffee for the rest of lent but it's a small sacrifice compared to the one that Jesus made for me so I'll be fine.

Went to the Cathedral last night and that place really messes with my head because I love it so much but I sit there and I see all the unused potential and it winds me up. It really does my head in cause I can see how good it could be and it just is not.

When we got home from the Cathedral we settled down to watch Lost and now that is doing my head in too. I mean what in the world is going on? And why do they never give you an answers? And why do I keep watching it?

Work again today and then I'm off for two days and I've got people round on tomorrow night for a meal...ahhhh I'm scared, haven't cooked for loads of people for absolutely ages!

Home group tonight but I can't remember where we said it was going to be...how rubbish a leader am I? No doubt God will make it a really good evening and I'll fall into bed afterwards more in love with Him than I was before the night! God is good all the time, All the time God is good. (Johan Shep.)

What is he going on about?

Not much has been happening really. Had a quite quiet few days, worked, saw friends, eat, slept, the norm. And it's been good to not have something or other 'going on' for a change.

Just as an aside what is the Arch Bish going on about?? It seems more and more unlikely that I will stay in the Church of England with every day that passes!!

Anyway, this year has been so crazy what with the car crashes then the vandilism to the courtsey car and then my bank account being frauded. No doubt somethings waiting for me round the corner..and it's not chocolate thats for sure.

Today is Sunday and I'm working which is ok I guess. I'd rather be out enjoying the sunshine though!

Also Sundays are always a little difficult when I'm working cause it was a Sunday that my Mum died and I was in work so I always feel a little catapulted into that moment, especially with the weather being how it is today, nice but cold just as it was when she died. But the Lord is good and He is helping me get through it. And He is reminding me of what He said at the time 'Let it be, there will be an answer, just let it be.'

And last night my friend and I watched Save the last dance 2 on the tv and in it there is a black bloke called Miles...and I was like 'NO WAY!' Cause I love the name Miles and I would really like my husband to be black! So I think I may have to buy that dvd now just to remind me that there maybe a black man out there whose name is Miles!

So anyway I had better get on and start work, and hopefully it will pass quickly and I can get round to going to Cathedral praise this evening!

Morning Blog

Thought I'd write a morning blog today. Isn't weird how the enemy is soooo predictible? The very thing I though he was going to do, he did! And in exactly the way I said he would! Very strange but at least I was kind of prepared for it.

So I have been to the bank and sorted everything out as much as I can but I still will not have any money for up to a month....ouch! How I'm ever going to get to Southampton for the conference I will never know, but The Lord does and He'll sort it out, no doubt.

Rest of the day as follows-

Go home (i'm at the Library)
Read an application form (thats breaking news for most of you!)
Wash up
Hang clothes out
Ring Vicar
Think about application form and make notes.
Have tea
Go and Babysit
Bed

Wow what an exciting life.....well it will be soon ;)

Pudding Thursday

Hooray for pudding thursday! My friends that I eat with the most have a rule that on a thursday we always have a lovely pudding and it helps me get through the day. This is the first pudding thursday in lent which means no chocolate puddings for me. But I still can't wait. Work is ok, not too busy but eyes are on pudding.....i mean... on Jesus! Very tired again today and after having a phone call from the bank about the fraud on my account I need to go in tomorrow on my day off and get it all sorted so that means no relaxing for me! And I'm in work this weekend..grrrr. But no doubt pudding thursday will come round again soon enough...can't wait!

Weird

Weird day today. Very strange, someone has cloned my account card and has been using it loads so I've got no money. And at first I was really emotional about it but after while I remembered the Bible Verse I learnt last night - Hebrews 10:23 'Let us hold unswervingly to the faith we profess for the He who promises is faithful.'

And I just let go of it all and got on with the rest of the day, knowing that God is in control cause I have given my life to Him.


Work was ok I guess. I spoke to Dad and my sister today and that was cool. Ad thats it really. Tired now. Watching footie then going to bed.

Can't even tell you whats going on cause it's so exciting/ scary/cool!

What a great weekend.

Had an amazing weekend. Seen some old friends on friday and then went to see some dear dear friends up in Sheffield. And had the most relaxing but filled with God weekend. And I heard the audible voice of God!!! And it was incredible, cause it sounded like an ordinary voice but I definately heard it. And things are already different, and I happy. God is good all the time, all the time God is good.

Not Happy

Let myself down today badly need to sort it out. But work is hard and I get fustrated. Hope tomorrow is better.