Ahhhh....

Hey!


Thank you all so much for your words of encouragment and support, regarding my last post. I have now bought a book and a DVD on the police selection process, have got an email from a careers advisor and have been on the cross trainer about six times at an average of 35 mins each time since my last post!!! I'm on my way, albeit slowly!

Went to a wedding yesterday and it was gorgeous. So beautiful, picked up some more tips for mine :) Yes I know I need a man first, calm down.

Can I just say how much I love the church that I have found, the people in it are awesome. I love them all already and I don't even know them...ha ha! Typical Vickster!

Have missed my mum this week terribly and one night on the way home from work sobbed so much I had to pull over on the side of the road! I am missing home alot cause of things that are happening there, and part of me wants to go home and another part really doesn't.

I'm still amazed that I love Liverpool as much as I did when I moved here. I was saying to someone today actually, that even when I'm in the very centre of Liverpool, I STILL feel like I want to be there, almost like its not enough to be standing right there. Like theres something more that I need to do or be or have from it! I don't know whether that makes sense, but its the only way I can describe it!!!

Very tired now and have work tomoz which I am looking forward to about as much as I would be if I had to jump out of a plane without a parachute!

Just a a few lines from the band Starfield that I can't get out of my head cause they are so true:

"The reach of Your fame, The power in Your name. Your glory surrounds me, It's over my head, it's over my head. The shame of the cross, for all that it cost. This friendship astounds me, It's over my head, it's over my head"

Love to you all, God Bless,

The Vickster

xxxx

Decsions, decsions, decsions

Hey All!


I know that I haven't been keeping up to date with my blog recently and partly that is because I'm not really sure how many people read it. So as a test I am going to announce something on here that only one or two people know and see how many people who I haven't told by mouth comment about it to me....thing is its rather a long story so if you still want to know, sit back cause there's reading to be done!!

From when I first started going to Church and meeting Christians people have always told me "God is going to do something massive with you."/ "He is going to use you in the Church in mighty ways." Or things to that effect and because of this I have tended to think of God one day picking me out and landing me in an amazing job that I will love and will be awesome (stereotypically I have though of this as being in the church) And because of that I have somewhat shunned what I have desired for my life (although not all to do with God mostly to do with lack of self confidence!) and sat back and trusted God to come through for me.

Yes I went to Bible School and that remains to be one of the best things that I have ever done, and I'm so glad I did it, but at the end I honestly thought my time had come and what ever God had in store for me career wise was right at the end of Capernwray. And as happened I landed back down to earth with an astonishing bump! No worries I though God must just be making me wait!

And as it would happen I got a job at Coventry Cathedral and thought for sure that this was going to lead to whatever God had got planned for me that was so wonderful, so when that came to a halt I was again left disillusioned and deeply hurt by it all. As those unlucky enough to a) be around at the time will know and b) Have listened to my album!!

So to end up at John Lewis has left me scratching my head for sometime now. Obviously since joining good ole JLP my life has had some things happen that has meant that I have had plenty to deal with without thinking "What on earth am I doing here?"

So when I took the decision to follow what my heart (and what I thought God vaguely was saying to me) and move to Liverpool I suddenly found that I could have confidence in the decisions that I make, as moving here has been so wonderful and such a blessing, its fabulous!

Living with my Aunt and Uncle who both were incredible successful business people and having both worked in retail have been urging me to press on and achieve something while I am there and work my way up just like they did. However as people may know I am just sooo not in to retail, business, success in business, promotion any of it. Which I already knew but it has made me see this even more.

So having decided what I don't want to be doing that left me with what I do! I have always when people have asked me what it is that I want to do said "I don't know really." And this answer has been based largely upon the fact that I have believed that God had got something wonderful planned around the corner just to my liking so I don't really need to know!

But since the age of....oh don't know.......7? 8? I have always wanted to be something. But because of all the crap thats gone on I've never had the confidence to believe that I could do it.

The past week and a half after thinking that Liverpool was such a good move, should I trust my instincts again? And boy have I struggled with it. At the start of last week I honestly felt like I was giving up on what God had for me (even though I have never know what that has been, its just been some vague idea that he's going to use me in someway) I felt like a traitor to Him but I have realised that is nonsense. How can I follow some dream that isn't really any dream at all? I'm just hanging around waiting for God to do something with my life, surely that is worse than following a desire to do something that you have always wanted and trusting God to shut the doors if its not right??

So my decsion has been made............

I want to become a Police Officer.

That has been my secret desire for so long that recently ever time I have seen a police officer or car/station I have felt a pang of guilt for not following it up.

For watching The Bill when I was younger to now reading my crime novels in my room it has never really gone away, I have just shoved it aside and tried to keep it quiet always thinking, "I'm not good enough for it." "It's too much hard work"

And you know what I'm right in some ways, I am not good enough and it is too much hard work. But if I want it bad enough and if God will give me the grace and favour I so badly need from Him to pass the test I will get there one way or another.

And do you know what weird? Since I have made this decsion I have had waves of relief wash over me so many times. I have cried a lot too but looking back on it its been tears of relief. Just as I cried on my last night in Kenilworth it was relief for finally doing something that I wanted to do.

I am well aware that this is going to be the hardest thing I will ever do just getting into the police force. I have to do an hour exercise a day for a year before I can ever think of applying!

I have to learn maths all over again, and I HATE maths and I can't do it to save my life, the amount of jobs I haven't gone for just because there is a maths test involved in the interview is unreal. But I am prepared to go right back to the start and TRY and learn all over again, which for me is a miracle cause I think I may even have a phobia of maths!!

There is so much more that I have to do that I am not even aware of yet and I'm not really phased by it, as this is what I have wanted all along.

So there you have it! It is going to take more discipline, blood, sweat, tears, and determination than I will ever be able to imagine.

And you know what I am going to need your support and prayers more than ever! And thats saying something!

Love to you all x